Nintendo and Sony just had E3, I just took a test and I have to move out today. Busy and stressed, have to get a lot done quickly.

May First

So i just took a test and it went well, Experimental Psyc isn't so bad if you pay attention, he goes over the material many times. I saw uncle yesterday and that was fun, he seems to be doing well. I have a long list of things to do today: I need to pick up my room key and start cleaning and moving, go the pool, study for my health test tomorrow and sign up for classes. E3 starts sorta today too with the Microsoft press conference today which should be fun, they don't have too many leaks so i am expecting a megaton other then that terrible vision camera. I am really looking forward to E3 this year, it looks to be fantastic! I had a fruit cup a moment ago and it was fantastic so this day seems to be going well enough.

Need to study today, test tomorrow. Picking my uncle up from the air port and then going home. Dan's getting 'liberty spikes' @ my apartment, Carrie and ed will be there too, should be fun.

Emerging studies

So I am just worried now and tired. School is getting to crunch time and my grades have been getting worse which is stressful in their own right. Then I have relationship issues and I am guessing that's not helping I am guessing. Or maybe it's one of thoes terrible things where one is making the other worse in this terrible loop. I have a lot of work with essays and studying and I need to do well on my next 2 physiological tests or I am screwed. Random other notes: Losts 100 th episode is on wenesday, jets fixed up their D in free agency and drafted a running back and QB. With a new head coach the jets have made a big splash and are just interesting now. Sanchez might be a starter but even as a backup they feel like they are ready to bust into the post season. I am just tired at the moment and this relationship stress us only building, I need to relax but I don't think I have the time.

Sound of Settling

American Pie the American Life

I hate writing. I hate blogging to be more exact. Being able to go back and read the stupid shit i write now makes me feel like an idiot later but whats important now will be important forever in the fact that I'll never really forget the baggage that I will pick up. The song American Pie has had such an impact on my life it is so easy to forget. I remember hearing the song in daycare during Kindergarten and it struck me that this was music. I didn't understand any of the song back then but one of the only things i had trouble understanding at that age was music and the lyrics. I heard this song again really during middle school and the chorus kind of struck me as something amazing but i ignored the rest of the song really. Now almost a decade later i have found this song again it's the lyrics that are really striking me. To me it's a story of a man telling about his American life and he hears about his high school love's husband die. The part where he loses the girl watching her dance with the other boy in the gym with their shoes off actually made me cry. The image of the boy's heart being crushed hit me extremely hard. It's the sort of thing that doesn't matter really in the long term sense of things but honestly it was a major part of him that will always stick with him. That bothers me now, my concerns and issues wont matter in the future. The people who aren't my family will leave and while they maybe important to me now I'll look back with how they changed me but all the importance will fade away. That thought makes me sad honestly, to realize that your emotions wont last and your beliefs are fleeting is not a belief of a young man. Things are supposed to last forever and i am supposed to believe that i will think like this forever but is it too late for a 20 year old? Have my views changed in the past 10 years for me? Past 5? Past 1 year? If i can't hold on to people or things for that long how can hold on to things for even longer? I know things are not static and people change but even now i have so much trouble getting emotion from other people. The people around me matter to me but do i matter to them? The girls i care about but only respond in words and not actions? My guy friends who let the world ignore everyone around them when not bothered? I am always left feeling like no one cares about me and it really takes the wind out of my sails, I try my best and in the end i wont be more then a fading memory to the people around me that they will recall when they are older. I am that "Hey remember that crazy brown guy in college, what was his name? What ever happened to him?" I'll try to keep my bonds with these people up but i always give up after a while because i feel like they don't care and honestly they don't. College will leave me with friends left in the dust and girls i care about who I'll have to watch from a distance because they will have their own ways to go without me. Should i just live for now or should i give up on the people around me? I can't hold people to me, the story of my best friends is that they leave if i like it or not and it seems to be the same with the girls i care about. Sure they might stick around but it's not in the relationship sense which seems to be the eternal tease. I feel like an idiot for caring about people now, they will never care back and i am becoming jaded before it even starts. I am just tired now but i am just lost at this moment in my life. I don't know where my relationships are going, i don't know where my classes are going, i don't know where my friendships are going, i don't know where my love is going and i don't know where I am going. Everyday people get a little colder. Even the ones who are supposed to care about me and even the ones i love. Things have never been brighter in a world that has never been darker. I should be happy, i have every reason to be happy but things just don't work out like that and i need some help really. I asked god to help me find a girlfriend and he has a fantastic sense of humor, get and you will receieve but it's never what you wanted exactly or what you expected. I'm not just doubting my relationship but all of my relationships.



Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock 'n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin' in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin',
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
And singin', "this'll be the day that I die.
"this'll be the day that I die."

What makes the one to shake you down?

what makes the one to shake you down?
each touch belongs to each new sound
say now you want to shake me too
move down to me, slip into you

and i'll be fine, you'll be fine
is this fine? im not fine
give me pieces, give me things to stay awake

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Tom Green- He's not dead!

Move like that

Now if she does it like this will you do it like that
Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back
Now if she moves like this, will you move like that (come on)

Dishwalla

California Dreaming

nothing but porcelain

I could have been anyone you see
She's nothing but porcelain underneath her skin

American girls are weather and noise
Playing the changes for all of the boys
Holding a candle right up to my hand
Making me feel so incredible

Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop
no way

Please keep your hands down And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking the and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde
for my pride

Gold-hearted boy

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you got to help me out

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The gold-hearted boy I used to be

It's always cold in here

This is one cold winter. Classes started and i haven't been doing any of my readings but i really need to start to. It's possible i shouldn't be wasting my time reading this but that's OK. Lost is really good so far, i enjoy eating Chick-Fillet every Wednesday and tuning in to the island. It's been snowing recently which is nice but it's not accumulating but at this point i have no faith in a big snow storm. Things with Carrie are going much better then last time and life moves on. Superbowl was Ravens less but still a fantastic game. Maybe a bigger better post next time.

Ever the Same

Well that's new

So classes have started again and my video game, TV watching, book reading fun time has come to a close. Now something odd is happening, I think I might actually care about what my clases are trying to teach me. The text books actually feel relevent and I almost feel like I have a purpose. I don't know how long this will last but I am going to give this a shot. I am going to try for strait A's. My teachers seem reasonable, books are interesting and I feel a bit overwhelmed which surpises me. Starting today I am going to try and follow the syalabus for all my classes and read my brains out for the next 3 days. Keep my mind off people and things to maybe make something out of myself now. I feel almost renewed but it's still early. Hope springs eternal though.

So tired...

I just got back from President Obama's inauguration and my feet are killing me. It was freezing and crazy but great. I need to shower now because even my soul feels dirty at the moment.

Swing Swing

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

By Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936).

Books- Again

Well the new school year is starting again and i am refilling my book supplies. I just bought a few from amazon and I'll borrow a few more from around. The rest i need to buy.

Stuff i already have that i need to read:
World of Warcraft: Night of the Dragon
World of Warcraft: Cycle of Hatred
Ender's Game (gotta read it again)
Mass Effect Ascention
Horselords (gotta read it again)
With the Old Breed
Speaker for the Dead
Full Metal Alchemist: The Abducted Alchemist
Signal to Noise
Lord of the Rings

The Catcher in the Rye
The Giver
Emperor: The Gods of War
Genghis: Birth of an Empire
Halo: The Cole Protocol

Catch-22
Hannibal
1776

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Ulysses
Warcraft: Legends Volume 2
Genghis: Lords of the Bow
Darkly Dreaming Dexter
Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World
The Naked Ape: A Zoologist's Study of the Human Animal
Einstein: His Life and the Universe

On top of reading all my school books i have a lot of reading to do. I am honestly going to try and read more, no more healthy pastime then to read in structured amounts. I'll work my way up to reading more quality things but i have to start somewhere.

PS: I gotta have some time to game too! I have been playing the Castlevania games, Aria of Sorrow and Dawn of Soul. I am going through Dawn of Soul to beat it fully and it is one damn great game. When i go back to school i hope to play FallOut 3, Gears of War 2 (which i am half way done with), and to beat Fable 2. I'll play some Mass Effect here and there but more importantly i hope to buy Chrono Trigger DS and Burnout Paradise. Both seem like amazing games that i should at least start trying to play. I will start casually playing World of Warcraft as well, i am going to find out when my friends play and try to play at least one day a week. It is going to be a busy semester if everything ends up going the way it seems. Odds are i will only get to play a few of the games i want, to finish only a few books that i want to read and do everything i want to do but so is life. If everything works out (as it never does) it will be a great 5 months.

Games aim:
Fable 2
Metal Gear Solid 4
Little Big Planet
Gears of War 2
Castlevania: Dawn of Soul
Chrono Trigger
Fallout 3
Burnout Paradise
World of Warcraft

Random Awesome Shit

A tiny watch cell phone? Sweet! I don't want it but damn is this cool.




VuNow is something much cooler and far less expensive.

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$100 for the standard version, seems rather worth it to me. Might have to pick this up for just the random TV fun.